(Not Red) Velvet Cake

Oh red velvet, where do I begin? I hate red velvet. Probably because working in a bakery that doesn’t carry any, in the middle of New York City, is apparently unacceptable to about 50% of people that come in. These days, everyone wants red velvet.¬†Seriously asshole? You just like it ’cause it’s red. In any case, I then calmly explain to them that we don’t use any artificial coloring in our products, but we do carry a chocolate cake with cream cheese icing that is very similar.

But it’s not. Not totally. I’ve known for a while that red velvet is it’s own special brand of cake, but that almost made me hate it more. Really, what’s the point? It’s a stupid half-cocoa, half-vanilla freak with some vinegar thrown in for good measure. Why do I care? …but everyone seems to love it, so I figured it’s worth making and trying, just to see what all the hype is about. Without the food coloring, of course. It’s been on my to-do list for months, and last night I finally got around to it! And just in time for Lady Katherine’s show at the PIT… Thank God, ’cause the two of us have recently been forced to consume the same amount of baked goods that I was churning out when we had four people in the house. Anyway, here’s the reason I no longer detest red velvet cake… Although mine wasn’t red, so I’m not sure if it really counts (did you catch my eye roll there?).


  • 1 c. buttermilk
  • 1 tsp. salt
  • splash of vanilla

and set aside. Next, mix

  • 1 c. vegetable oil
  • 1 1/2 c. white sugar

in a large bowl. Mix in

  • 2 eggs

one at a time. Stir together

  • 4 tb. unsweetened cocoa powder
  • about 6 tb. warm water

and form a paste. Add to batter. Now you’ll need

  • 2 1/2 c. all-purpose flour

Add half your flour, all of the buttermilk mixture, and then the other half of your flour.
Mix gently until just combined. Finally, stir together

  • 1 1/2 tsp. baking soda
  • 1 tsp. white vinegar

and fold into batter. Did I mention I made cupcakes? After your batter’s done, put it in whatever pan you like and bake at 350. For cupcakes, about 25 minutes. Maybe add 5-10 more for a whole cake.¬†And I know cream cheese icing isn’t the “real,” “traditional” icing for red velvet, but who cares?! It’s delicious!

  • 8 oz. cream cheese
  • 1/2 pound butter
  • 4 c. confectioners sugar
  • splash of vanilla

Frost and enjoy! The more I ate, the more I liked them. And everyone at the show seemed to think they were delicious too! I think there may be a future for me and this “velvet cake” after all. How about you? Which side of the red velvet controversy do you fall on?